The shortest month part one
Or how I came to hate the month of February.
February 21st, 1994.
The day was what one expects for late February. Cold, grey, and the threat of rain. I had that week off from work because I had an appointment with the dentist. I was scheduled to get my wisdom teeth pulled at eight a.m., so I was up far earlier than I wanted to be.
My uncle was visiting from Connecticut and was giving me a hard time about going to the dentist. He knew that I really hated the dentist and had rented the movie Marathon Man for me a few days before. So yeah, I really did not want to go. To make matters worse my uncle came along for the ride when we left. On the way there he kept saying "Is it safe?" in his best German accent. Thankfully it was a short drive over and I was spared any more torture.
Once I arrived is when the real fun began. I was nervous enough already, but the dentist decided to continue the "let's fuck with Alec" day. He explained the procedure in great detail and said things like "If you wake up during the extraction you might hear cracking sounds. Do not be alarmed by this." "Yeah right, if I wake up during this and hear cracking sounds I plan on bolting from the chair, you fucking sadist." is what I was thinking, but all I could say was "eeep". He just grinned and took my hand to stick the IV in. "Now you might feel a little prick." "What kind of dentists office is this?" I thought to myself. Then he asked me to count down from 100 while whatever drug made its way in to my blodstream. I made it as far as "wuhh" and then I was out like a light.
I am not sure what happened during the time I was out, but I fear it had something to do with midgets, hookers, and copious amounts of opium. No, wait that was the weekend before this.
Anyhow. When I woke up I was in a different room, lying on a bed of some sort. My mom was staring at me and through the haze I heard her say "How are you feeling?". My brain said "Fine, I want to go home", but what came out of my mouth was more "Fuh, I wuh who go home". I sat there for a second thinking that what I said did not sound right, so I tried it again. "Fuh, I wuh who go home", dammit, there it was again. That is when the dental assistant came over and told me to open wide. She reached her fingers in and pulled out what must have been four to five pounds of cotton. It was in the form of those little round cylinders that only dentists seem to use. This left me with a mouth completely devoid of moisture. I was still a bit foggy, but I managed to get out "That was in my mouth? Damn, I had no idea that much could fit in there...hey how did I get in here?" I said as I noticed the decor had changed from sterile medical room to bad 70's lounge. "Oh, we carried you in here." said a woman that could have not been more than five feet tall. I looked at her with a confused smirk and she piped in with "It took four of us, but we managed." I just nodded and finally said "I want to go home." With that my mom led me out to the car.
Part two should be up tomorrow. It is what happend later that day, but I am still trying to decide if I should post it.
February 21st, 1994.
The day was what one expects for late February. Cold, grey, and the threat of rain. I had that week off from work because I had an appointment with the dentist. I was scheduled to get my wisdom teeth pulled at eight a.m., so I was up far earlier than I wanted to be.
My uncle was visiting from Connecticut and was giving me a hard time about going to the dentist. He knew that I really hated the dentist and had rented the movie Marathon Man for me a few days before. So yeah, I really did not want to go. To make matters worse my uncle came along for the ride when we left. On the way there he kept saying "Is it safe?" in his best German accent. Thankfully it was a short drive over and I was spared any more torture.
Once I arrived is when the real fun began. I was nervous enough already, but the dentist decided to continue the "let's fuck with Alec" day. He explained the procedure in great detail and said things like "If you wake up during the extraction you might hear cracking sounds. Do not be alarmed by this." "Yeah right, if I wake up during this and hear cracking sounds I plan on bolting from the chair, you fucking sadist." is what I was thinking, but all I could say was "eeep". He just grinned and took my hand to stick the IV in. "Now you might feel a little prick." "What kind of dentists office is this?" I thought to myself. Then he asked me to count down from 100 while whatever drug made its way in to my blodstream. I made it as far as "wuhh" and then I was out like a light.
I am not sure what happened during the time I was out, but I fear it had something to do with midgets, hookers, and copious amounts of opium. No, wait that was the weekend before this.
Anyhow. When I woke up I was in a different room, lying on a bed of some sort. My mom was staring at me and through the haze I heard her say "How are you feeling?". My brain said "Fine, I want to go home", but what came out of my mouth was more "Fuh, I wuh who go home". I sat there for a second thinking that what I said did not sound right, so I tried it again. "Fuh, I wuh who go home", dammit, there it was again. That is when the dental assistant came over and told me to open wide. She reached her fingers in and pulled out what must have been four to five pounds of cotton. It was in the form of those little round cylinders that only dentists seem to use. This left me with a mouth completely devoid of moisture. I was still a bit foggy, but I managed to get out "That was in my mouth? Damn, I had no idea that much could fit in there...hey how did I get in here?" I said as I noticed the decor had changed from sterile medical room to bad 70's lounge. "Oh, we carried you in here." said a woman that could have not been more than five feet tall. I looked at her with a confused smirk and she piped in with "It took four of us, but we managed." I just nodded and finally said "I want to go home." With that my mom led me out to the car.
Part two should be up tomorrow. It is what happend later that day, but I am still trying to decide if I should post it.
posted by Æ at 11:42:00 PM
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